Last Night in Civilization

Tomorrow morning, I get on a turbo prop and fly into the bush for eight weeks. The internet is apparently not yet installed, but the camp functions. Thus, in addition to being my last night of freedom, it may also be the last time I get on the internet for a long time. When planning a long hitch in a camp, the last night seems like it should be a night of letting go of hassle, and enjoying yourself. It never is.

Tonight, I worked on the database and the core logs with Kati and Scott, which was actually nice. I like being a part of the process, rather than just a well paid babysitter. After that, I spoke with the parents, then packed, then took care of bills, not the glamorous celebration I was wanting. It has been great though, because Cameron went to Transformers 3, giving me some peace and quiet in my room

Musical Rewards

The other night, I watched all of my possessions, saving what I will need for the next three months, wrapped in brown paper, and loaded into an ocean going container. Not the container they will be moved across the ocean on, but it was still meaningful to me to see them loaded into an ocean going container. I have not felt at home in over a year now, there were three weeks in Vancouver when I almost felt at home, but I was not surrounded by my stuff, so it was like a vacation home. The idea with moving is that you are finding a new home though, so this should be happy, and it is.

To celebrate this step into the uncertainty of the future, and moving on with my life, I decided to reward myself with a little retail therapy. I have been listening to NPR's All Songs Considered, so it seemed like buying an album or two from my page of "bands to check-out" would be a good choice. For the most part thus far in my search, the song that was played on All Songs Considered is good (I need to apologize to myself for a couple), and might be worth money. The problem is, that the bands that catch my ears are those that sound different from the others, unfortunately, different is usually rubbish.

There is a reason why pop is pop, it sounds vaguely appealing to most people. The generic sound of it is so blah to me though. If I want to hear another Jack Johnson, I can just listen to Jack Johnson, I would not be any wiser. If I wanted to listen to auto-tuned crap, it really does not matter what no talent fad idol is cranking it out, I, and everybody else, will forget their name by next year. The search for something new is really what led me to All Songs Considered, but my wallet demands that it be good, in addition to new.

I do not know what is good though. I did buy Bon Iver: Bon Iver. I am sticking with it not being as good as For Emma, but I am not ruling out some emotional attachment with time. I was accused of not being fair to expect Justin Vernon to always be down trodden, which was not my point, because Blood Bank is a much more positive experience, but a beautiful lyrical journey, like For Emma (though Blood Bank definitely stands out as the best song on the EP). I digress from what is good though. I like a broad spectrum of music, and I use music differently based on my, and its, mood. I like indie rock (what ever that really means), I like folk and rap when there are actual musical instruments backing up lyrics that are meaningful. I can also like songs that are just fun. Cee Lo Green's Fuck You is not meaningful, or artistic, but something about a song that sounds so much like good natured '50s pop capturing how you really feel when you see the person you lust for with someone else (for me, all the imagery in the world does not ring quite as true as "fuck you, and fuck her too"). My musical interests just do not seem to follow strict genre definitions, but that should not really be a surprise to me.

Finding a good album is proving more a difficult task, than the celebration I was looking for. I wanted instant gratification. I wanted to be inundated by every artist on my list having three great albums, and I would over indulge on new music. I am not being tempted though, I am, in fact, conflicted about if I should buy anything at all.

Maybe, the problem is me. I resist buying single songs. I want an album. I want my iTunes (yes I use iTunes, a good post might be my feelings about this, but not today) library to be filled with full albums that are full of great songs, that have been created and produced by master musicians with expert producers and engineers. Maybe though, the album is dead. When a single great song can catapult a musician's name into the lime light, why take the time to create an artistic album? Make one great song, and ride the wave it creates as best you can. If the great song does not work, you did not really loose anything with the 9 other stinkers you churned out to fill a CD. I am not going to rant or discuss whether or not this is a good thing, to me it just is. My query lies in what I should do about it.

Like texting, it seems like I should accept the change. Once I was able to text with a qwerty keyboard, it became a great way to communicate short messages with people I do not necessarily want to talk to (everyone). Once I accept that having single songs in my iTunes library is okay, I can buy the song that I like, guilt free, and incorporate it into playlists that I enjoy. I have a playlist to fire me up before riding, Sarah has playlists for runs of various lengths, I could make playlists for moods. Group the fun songs for when I feel playful, and dark songs for doldrums. All I have to do is buy songs that I like, then lump them into groups that please me. I will not, after all, have to change discs.

I imagine that I will break down, soon. Maybe it will be Cee Lo Green who breaks me. For now, I might occupy myself with Random Recipe (the highest rank thus far on my quest), or just keep searching. In the future though, when I need a reward for making progress in life, I will probably stick with gear, food or shoes.